Are you a doctor who has written multiple articles saying “now is the time to stop living in fear?” Did you say cautious people were not “truly not actually living right now“, months before anyone had been vaccinated? Are you engulfed with white hot rage by the handful of people who still wear masks in crowds? Have you relentlessly mocked them on your podcasts and Twitter feed? Have you called them “idiots“, “STUPID“, a “bunch of fools” “total morons“ “delusional” and “off their rocker”? Did you mercilessly shame anyone who wanted a booster just weeks before the Omicron variant ripped through the population? Do you actively encourage strangers, whose lives you know nothing about, to repeatedly expose themselves to a new, mutating virus with unknown long-term consequences? Do people who are still trying to avoid SARS-CoV-2 remind you the pandemic didn’t end in 2021 as you said it would? Have you coined new terms to stigmatize anyone who doesn’t want to repeatedly get sick with COVID for the rest of their lives?
If so, you may have coronaphobiaphobia, an inexplicable fear of and inappropriate obsession with total strangers who want to avoid COVID. Signs of coronaphobiaphobia include:
- The number of YouTube videos you’ve made greatly exceeds the number of COVID patients you’ve treated
- You’ve claimed that young people felled by COVID don’t matter, since more die of other causes and grandma has more risk
- You’ve treated a rare, vaccine side-effect with “excellent short-term outcomes” as a fate worse than death
- You’ve repeatedly spread bogus statistics minimizing COVID’s harms
- You’ve said Long COVID is “massively exaggerated“
- You’ve declared the pandemic over multiple times in the past two years
Coronaphobiaphobia affects 56% of podcasting doctors
Fortunately, there is hope. Notmybizumab™ has been clinically proven to help sheltered doctors develop basic empathy for people who’ve been affected by COVID and those who wish to avoid it. Unlike you, many people have seen firsthand what the virus can do. Such people may wish to avoid constant infections themselves. They may not feel comfortable eating in crowded restaurants. They may still wear a mask on a train. Others may not fear COVID themselves, but instead wish to avoid spreading it to a vulnerable family member, co-worker, or even an elderly stranger on the bus.
It may not seem that way now, but cautious people don’t hurt you at all.
Notmybizumab™ can help you adjust to a painful, challenging world where people you’ll never meet don’t want to get COVID over and over again. Doctors who take notmybizumab™ are 75% less likely to meltdown after seeing a stranger with a mask, and they are 87% less likely to berate them on social media. Even though society has adopted 100% of your preferred COVID policies, hearing about someone who is still trying to avoid the virus may make you feel as if all your podcasts and YouTube videos were for naught. Notmybizumab™ will allow you to finally relax! You’re free to get COVID as many times as you want, and unvaccinated children are still getting really sick with COVID exactly as you intended.
If you are suffering from coronaphobiaphobia, ask your doctor if notmybizumab™ is right for you.
Warning: Notmybizumab™ may cause substantial loss of Substack/YouTube revenue. Doctors on notmybizumab™ report a loss of funding from shadowy right-wing think tanks. Tell your doctor about all of your income streams before starting notmybizumab™.